Is your priest a narcissist? Use this checklist to find out.

In recent posts, we’ve covered situations that appear to involve clergy with narcissistic personality disorder, including “Johnny Boy” Adams, Miriam Terlinchamp, and Martha Korienek. With that in mind, the following factors may help readers assess whether their deacon, priest, or bishop is a narcissist.

Note that, because the majority of narcissists are men, we use masculine references throughout, although these factors apply to all genders.

• Appears to be too good to be true.
• Gives off a vibe like, “He really understands me.”
• Needs admiration, which conceals a fragile ego.
• Very concerned with external appearances, including clothes, hair, etc.
• Deeply concerned with what others think, but only as a source of validation.
• Verbally facile, adept at anticipating what others want to hear.
• May appear very attentive and caring, especially in the early phases of their relationships.
• Difficulty maintaining lasting, healthy relationships.
• Projects excess charm.
• Often chooses careers such as the clergy and law enforcement to project a desired image and trade on tropes.
• Lives into tropes, like athlete, pillar of the community, student body president, captain of the football team, etc.
• Lacks a conscience.
• Early in a relationship, love bombs via excessive charm to pull the victim in.
• Likes to keep people off-balance, alternating between appearing kind, caring, and loving, and indifferent, angry, or callous.
• May try to “hoover” the victim in when they walk away via seemingly abject apologies, commitments to change, and more.
• Uses all the right words, but doesn’t actually live up to social expectations of integrity, compassion, kindness, and care.
• When preaching or delivering a speech, often gives a very theatrical delivery.
• Adept at projecting a guileless persona.
• Able to readily divert attention away from their own wrongdoing.
• Lack of empathy.
• Sense of self-importance.
• Preoccupied with power.
• Believe they are entitled to special treatment.
• Arrogant.
• Envious of others with more money, power, etc.
• Often lie for no reason. May tell one person one thing, and a minute later tell someone else the exact opposite.
• Refuse to take responsibility — but adept at sounding like they are.
• Often non-commital; provides open-ended responses to requests like, “I’ll take a look.”
• Plausible and convincing liar.
• When confronted, he explodes into the classic “narcissistic rage.”
• Learns behaviors by rote, which may lead him to flounder when presented with a new fact pattern.
• Adept at sizing others up, but may struggle to recognize in advance how certain behaviors may play to a crowd.
• Often, projects noisy swagger to conceal insecurities.
• Portrays family life as close and loving, despite ample evidence to the contrary.
• Identifies ways people can be useful and grooms them into that role. If they decide they are no longer interested in that role, they move through a phase of devaluation and rejection, in which that person suddenly is evil, overreacts, etc.
• Grooms people and organizations to build a steady source of support and narcissistic supply. When challenged, makes claims like, “I don’t care what others think,” and pretends to be immune to criticism.
• Typically surrounds himself with a vestry of empaths, sycophants, and enablers, which he carefully grooms.
• May inappropriately interfere in vestry functions, like choosing members of the executive committee beyond the senior warden, or blackballing vestry candidates he doesn’t like.
• Often proclaims himself to be excellent at his job, although this is rarely the case.
• Takes unauthorized leave from work.
• Tells opposite stories to opposite groups. For example, the narcissistic priest may tell his family how badly his church treats them, while telling parishioners how happy he is working at that church.
• When feeling insecure, he may try to intimidate others to boost his self-esteem.
• Makes people feel special, often via tactics like, “Don’t tell anyone, but so-and-so is a real ass.” Eventually, it becomes clear that the narcissistic priest does this to everyone.
• Often creates a turbulent, toxic environment via endless manipulation and setting a bad example.
• No sense of remorse.
• Tries to destroy perceived enemies, often via lies about how they threatened him, engaged in illegal conduct, and other vile and false accusations. Sees nothing wrong with this.
• Can turn the charm on and off like a light.
• Adept at trotting out winsome phrases like, “We’re all good people, doing God’s work,” or “Gotta make hay while the sun shines.”
• Sees children as extensions of self and lives vicariously through them. May control what sports they play, how they dress, what schools they go to, who they date, and more.
• May send children to private schools for their perceived prestige.
• Engages in reverse shuttle diplomacy to manage perceptions. For example, your priest may tell the vestry, “My wife is terrified of so-and-so.” Then tells the wife, “The vestry is terrified of so-and-so.” Thus, when they compare notes, they suddenly find they are in complete agreement.
• Adept at trading on their role as clergy for advantage. For example, a narcissistic priest may ask parishioners to call him “Bob.” But if he files a false police report against a parishioner, he’ll suddenly be “Fr. Smith” in conversations with the police.
• Often very theatrical when manipulating others. For example, when filing a false police report against a parishioner, the priest’s voice may suddenly quiver at all the right points, even though he knows he’s lying.
• Body language often doesn’t mirror projected emotions. For example, your priest may smile at you, but if you look at his eyes, there’s no warmth there.
• Often displays a lack of emotion when someone they claim to love is hurt or has died.