My love for and my faith in God has never wavered since I was seven years old, but my Christianity has been completely deconstructed over the last 11 years of my life.
It has been “Christians” who have hurt us the most, “Christians” who are the most easily offended, “Christians” who don’t like their opines challenged, “Christians” who are the quickest to take up arms against us, “Christians” who didn’t/don’t believe us, “Christians” who judged without coming to me to verify, “Christians” who plotted and plot against us, “Christians” who assume, “Christians” who don’t want to offend a fellow “Christian” by supporting us, “Christians” who look the other way, “Christians” who have threatened us, “Christians” who mocked and stoned me and turned deaf ears to my children’s cries, “Christians” who create drama, “Christians” who still want to hold to their judgments, “Christians” who want to pick and choose whose support we receive, “Christians” who attack our supporters in the name of their being offended, “Christians” who act with authority because they “are”, and not just “Christians” locally but “Christians” all over, including Grant, Gracie and my own blood “family”, both immediate and extended, all of them save two.
This realization was one of the single most painful and difficult acceptances of my life, July 2013, that it was “Christians,” my own kind, who were killing us. Looking back, I had no idea then what “Christians” would go on to do; “Christians” not only in churches but in workplaces, in the court system, in the school setting, in funeral settings, in hospitals, in medical offices, counseling offices, everywhere the three of us touched the ground, it was “Christians” carrying the ax.
Grant, Gracie, and I did not and do not live that way. We fully depend on God. Our world has no gray; we are black and white, we carry no secrets and no silent tactics. We sit without judgment or condemnation. We shoot straight, requiring no pretense or guessing, and we love all. We believe that is the model Jesus demonstrated to us to live by. We, however, cannot tell our story without telling of the evil in the minds of and the pain delivered from “Christians.”
We are very blessed as we do have and are loved by so many Christ followers in our world, as well as non-Christ followers, all walks of life and religious practice, and we are grateful for each and every one of you. Today, Gracie and I are completely enveloped with love and support just for being us. Our cup is complete, we are grateful, and if it is my job to sound the alarm on what has happened and is happening to “Christians,” I will gladly do so for Him.
I say with certainty that I recognize Christian Nationalism in the memories of what “they/you” did and are doing. It mimics and finds itself verbatim in our story, but I also recognize something even scarier, “Christians” who just aren’t.
Grant is no longer here, but the three of us clung to God daily and more deeply than anyone can imagine to survive, and Grant did, and Gracie and I do give all the glory for where we are and who we are to Him. We will NOT reflect what has been reflected to us. We will love, AND we will tell our story.
It is being shown over and over that it is the “Christians” who would require us to fight with a specific mantle or none at all or else. As for their judgments in error of me in the past, all I would say is, I remember it all, to the very day, hour, and minute, where I was, what it smelled like, what you had on, I remember you, and I remember what you did. I had a lot of time to watch and study you, and I did. Also, there is great irony for religious groups in this state to cry “politics,” as in the highest levels of our government, “Christians” have made Christianity and politics…one.
Otherwise, opinions to yourself! Our mission is greater, but this topic is one, if not the greatest. God being the greatest of all. He never fails, and Christ came to love and be persecuted, not to “love and persecute.”
If the single greatest mistake I’ve made in my life is to think everyone loves the way I do, then so be it. I will still love. Gracie and I both will.